The First Visit
I was a wreck all week just waiting for last night. So many uncertainties and expectations kept my head spinning. The grandmother brought the little boy over around 5:30 last night. He had no problem walking up to the house. The instant they were in the house his demeanor changed. He was a bit hesitant. After a couple of minutes he went to play with Collin in his room. We talked quite a bit. She didn't ask a whole lot of questions. It's possible she didn't because we had easily spent an hour and a half on the telephone during the week.
He was very loving and happy. After a little while he even warmed up to Ken and I. The boys all played on the floor in the family room. We felt good about the meeting, but Collin had mixed feelings because the three year old just threw his toys. I watched Collin telling him things "the rules". I don't think I had ever seen my son act so responsibly.
At one point the little boy ran back to Collin's room and hit his head on the door handle. Instantly he was crying. Ken ran to check on him. Immediately the little boy reached up for him. After Ken picked him up and comforted him, it was all over.
Around 7:15 it was time to leave. The little boy didn't want to hold his grandmother's hand to go to the truck. He walked over to me and wanted me to walk him out to the truck. It was nice visit.
After all the adrenaline rush, I was dizzy. It took a while to gather thoughts about the visit. He was a very active three year old. I'm not sure if we are ready for a three year old. At that age they are so inquisitive and mobile it means absolutely constant supervision just bringing him into the house. It wasn't that way with my son because you knew the personality and you geared up for it through the crawling, walking, and then running.
Another issue we have is the "openness". She wants to be part of his life and the boy's uncle does too. We go to the same church, so I can understand seeing him on Sundays. I just don't want to feel as if we are accountable to anyone after adoption. I don't want someone thinking they can swing by at any time to see him. It almost seems like visitation without child support.
I really don't want to hurt any feelings. I think we need to discuss her desired involvement and have a normal visit with him for a day. That way we could see how he reacts to our household without us being in the spotlight.
I'd appreciate any feedback on my thoughts and feelings. I know there are a lot of sides to this issue. Praying for answers.
posted by Michelle @ 1:45 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Thanks so much for sharing the pictures! He's such a cutiepie.
Wow, I can't imagine all the things that must be going through your head.
It seems like there should be a way to work out the visitation issue so that everyone could be happy... I can only imagine what it would be like to be in the grandmother's shoes... this must be a very tough time for her too.
Have you thought about reading some books about open adoption? I'm sure there is tons of great advice out there... ask for some help at your local library. Or maybe you could contact some other women on message boards who have been through similar situations.
I'm sure a lot of people who care about you feel like I do now... I want to help but I have no idea what to tell you. I think only someone who's been there could offer any useful advice.
Sending love from Ohio.
Thanks for the support. I cruised the boards a bit today. Seems like a lot of people are really on board with this open adoption thing. It's just hard seeing what an in and out relationship has done to Collin. I don't want that to happen here either. It's all just happened sooooo fast. I'm a wreck! I think I will look for a book. I know a lot of this stuff would be covered in the required class, but that won't take place until next month. Thanks Cindy!
It sounds like it was a nice visit! I agree...when you aren't used to 3 yr olds...they are very exhausting! My son is 3.5...and some days I'm rather exhausted and I'm used to it! The constant "why?" and activity can be hard. But it's so worth it too. I think if it's really what's on your heart you'd be able to make the adjustment.
As for the grandmother, I think that's something you need to discuss with her. Make sure you understand what type of relationship she wants, and discuss what type of relationship you want. Maybe discuss details so you have a better understanding of how things would work.
I think it's wonderful that you want to adopt this precious little boy. He's a cutie! Pray on it and ask for God's counsel. He'll tell you what is His will for you.
Post a Comment
<< Home